When Rain Hurts by Mary Evelyn Greene

October 18, 2012

October 18, 2012


Fall 2005

October 18, 2012.  Peter sprained his ankle 10 days ago.  Green Chimneys has him running cross country, which is amazing – and a little unexpected, and he slipped on a rock.  He’s been inconsolable ever since.  When he was home last weekend, there was no obvious swelling or bruising, I honestly couldn’t tell there’d been any injury at all.  But Peter’s sensory system is way off.  Even the slightest assault sometimes causes exaggerated response, while at other times, serious assaults, like wasp stings, completely go unnoticed.  I have no doubt he twisted it, but I also have no doubt its something most kids would shake off.  Because its been bothering him, he wears a brace during the day and he’s not supposed to run or play sports for another week and a half.  It’s impossible to say whether these restrictions are necessary – he mostly only limps when someone reminds him of the injury, but I agree with Green Chimneys’ decision to err on the side of precaution.  Over the weekend, we took the kids to family day at the Haunted Horseman, a very popular Halloween attraction.  One Saturday each October, they transform the park from 10 to 3, making it appropriate, and enticing, for children.  There are games, face painting, pony rides, a bounce house, cotton candy, a “haunted” hayride and corn maze, and more.  The first time we brought the kids, they were 3 and 4 and my sister Patty was in town.  At the time, Peter seemed to love it.  The story of Ichabod Crane is acted out on the hayride and then the riders are dropped off at the corn maze, where they’re left to weave their way through only slightly ghoulish frights and sights.  We still joke about Sophie being afraid, when she was 3, of the person dressed as a cartoonish, kid-friendly version of Frankenstein.  When I tried explaining that there was a perfectly nice man hidden underneath, maybe even someone’s papa, she without hesitation exclaimed, “I don’t like the big papa!”  It’s been a favorite family memory ever since.  Although we couldn’t find the “Big Papa” this year, we did confront, over and over again, Peter’s ever-ballooning fears.  Amid toddlers darting around with balloons tied to their wrists, our 11-year old son had to be coaxed into participating.  He has this way of physically disappearing into himself when he’s scared or over-stimulated, which I’ve dubbed “turtling”.  He curls his back inward, dips his neck toward his chest, and strains his shoulders toward the middle.  Almost immediately upon walking through the entrance, his limp returned and he began turtling.  The costumed man greeting us – standing on stilts and brightly dressed as a pumpkin-headed scarecrow, sent him reeling.  I had no idea Peter would react so negatively to such a generally benign environment.  But we couldn’t just leave – Sophie had been looking forward to this for months and it’s only held one day during the year.  So instead, we played games like skeleton basketball and toilet paper toss, bought the kids cupcakes, and held Peter’s hand while we walked around.  After a while, he relaxed a little and I was able to talk about the need to take control of his fears and fight against letting inhospitable thoughts take over and hold him hostage.  He’s now able to listen to these discussions and tries very hard to implement any suggestions.  In the end, he made it through and I think he even had a good time.  Pat and I were proud of the effort and made sure he knew it.  We have to keep encouraging these treks into less predictable, more challenging environments, because now that he’s home every weekend, we can’t continue to keep him bubbled inside our home, which is what we were doing.  It’s not fair to Sophie and it’s not fair to us.  We don’t have and can’t afford babysitters at every turn.  Having him home every weekend is a step toward having him with us again fulltime, a kind of high-stakes litmus test for the future.  We always will need to be attuned to Peter’s needs, what he can and can’t handle, but at the same time, we can’t become slaves to them.  The challenge is finding the balance between Peter needing to live in our world and our needing to accommodate his.  Last night when I called the dorm, the young woman who answered the phone told me that he’d been crying and angry ever since school let out, and without apparent reason.  She thought maybe he was out of sorts because his ankle has sidelined him.  I didn’t want to argue with her – after all, she might be right, but Pat and I also know that our son’s moods can swing like a pendulum on a rollercoaster.  It’s one of his many challenges.  When he finally picked up the phone, I could hear him crying.  He tells me that he’s too tired to talk and is angry that I called.  This is not like our son – he depends on our nightly calls, and so its clear that he’s in a bad place.  There’s no talking to him when he’s like this, time is the only cure, and so I tell him not to worry, that I love him, and that I bet he’ll wake up in the morning feeling more like himself.  “Thank you, Mommy,” he says, and hangs up.  I’m a little surprised by the gruffness, but at the same time, I just have to smile.  Although I hate that he’s feeling so unsteady, I’m becoming increasingly confident that he’ll find his way back.  In this case, it seems that sprained ankles, lack of physical outlets, and scarecrows on stilts are just too much for one week.

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2 Comments »

  1. hi I a parent from saugerties Ny who is looking to send my son who is an ASD kid to geen chimmey’s and he goes to the Center for Spretcum services in kingston ny .but He is out grown the school. I would love to talk to you about your expereince at green chimmey’s . could you please email me . Acorvin@hvc.rr.com

    thanks
    April Corvin
    saugerties ny

    Comment by april corvin — October 18, 2012 @ 11:30 am | Reply

  2. …”the need to take control of his fears and fight against letting inhospitable thoughts take over and hold him hostage” …good advice for anyone ! I have followed your blog from the beginning and it’s heartwarming to see the social and emotional progress Peter has made. Job well done, Mary. Sending a hug and a pat on the back through cyberspace…

    Comment by Sheryl — October 23, 2012 @ 10:53 am | Reply


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